Way back in January, 2023, a false accusation was made against me. The accusation was thrown out of court and I was acquitted just one week ago yesterday.
In the intervening fourteen months I’ve developed certain mental habits; such as running over the events continually, in my mind, and worrying about the taint of such charges clinging to me even if/when found innocent.
It’s 5.23 am, as I type this. I woke up about 4.45, and went for my usual middle of the night pee. But I haven’t been able to get back to sleep. Why? Because the desire to ‘clear my name’ is still bothering me.
I suspect I will eventually fall asleep again. Because I’m utterly shattered. Having this source of anxiety hanging over me for over a year hasn’t been conducive to calm, happiness or general well-being. And the permanent exhaustion is, I believe, just one aspect of the depression it’s brought on.
Another aspect of the ill-effects is demotivation. Why bother striving to achieve stuff, if everything just turns to shit? And this is esp’ and doubly the case when there seems to be zero fuel in the tank.
All of this side of things rather inclines me towards seeking redress, for defamation of character and loss of earnings, if nothing else. That said, I want all this shit to cease and go away entirely, so I can get back to being happy and contented, as I had been, very unusually for me, circa late 2021.
And that won’t happen, of course, if I put it all front and centre by pursuing a Civil Case. Hmmm!?