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Whilst researching the previous Som Livre Masters post, I stumbled upon this. A Boiler Room production, it’s from that weird lockdown period several years back.

It’s great seeing and hearing Marcos playing a little solo set from his home, in Rio de Janeiro. Just as he did on the gig we saw, he comes across so humble and natural. It’s very refreshing.

When he talks about working with Leon Ware, you don’t feel he’s ego tripping. But simply remembering treasured times. It’s quite moving, in an understated way.

And when he plays Summer Samba, he prefaces it with a very succinct preamble, about how he still enjoys playing it, and tweaking it, to keep it fresh.

And then he does just that; plays it beautifully, with the perfect balance of old and new. And, in an interesting aside, he also divides the lyrics fairly equally between English and Portuguese.

And… oh, sweet bliss! He sings Tira Mao! One of my absolute favourites from his terrific Previsão do Tempo album (a vinyl copy of which is visible behind him.

Marcos… we love you!

Some might think otherwise, but I really don’t like to think about or talk about or give any oxygen to my depressive tendencies. But I’m going through a rough patch right now.

A court appearance – accused of something I didn’t do – is looming. And I just crashed and trashed our car. Of the latter, I am very much guilty. So I’m without wheels, and consequently without income.

Watching Marcos perform this intimate concert – which I’m doing as I type this – is a real balm. He even says, during his intro, ‘I’m glad I can help, with my music, people who are really needing the support.’ When he said that I didn’t pay too much heed. But I see now that I am one such!

He also says, later on, that he co-composed a song, the title of which translates as ‘Protect Yourself’ before the ‘problem with the virus’ hit us all. In his gently understated way – I think he says it’s ‘funny’ – he notes how oddly apt this makes the song; recorded before, but released during the height of the Covid pandemic.

As he gets towards the end of the set, he treats us to another old warhorse, the classic ‘Os Grilos’ (or ‘Crickets Sing For Ana Maria’. And once again he tweaks it beautifully, keeping this ages old number beautifully and warmly present and alive.

He closes out the set with ‘Estrelar’ (‘Star’), another Leon Ware collab’. Thanks to all involved in making this beautiful cosy gig happen, and sharing it with us. Truly wonderful.

Brazilian drummer and producer Charles Gavin, who I’ve become aware of through his role in selecting titles for the Som Livre Masters series, has written a book, called 300 Discos Importantes da Música Brasileira. I wonder if it’s available in English?

Here’s a pictorial list of the 25 albums he chose for Som Livre Masters:

There are many names on the list I recognise, from some, like Marcos Valle, Walter Wanderley and Tim Maia, that I both know and I’m to varying degrees familiar with, to others I’ve heard of, but don’t really know, like Novod Baianos and Brazilian Octopus, to those that are totally new to me, like Os Brazoes, Sidney Miller, and Alceu Valença.

Most of the albums are artist lead. But there are some others, like Vila Sesamo, the Brazilian version of Sesame Street, which is, I believe, a Marcos Valle project (and I think I have it, in mp3 format), and – completely new to me – Sitio do Picapau Amarelo, which appears to be another children’s TV thing, and about which I currently know absolutely nothing.

There’s stuff by names I’ve heard a lot, in relation to Brazilian music, like Tom Zé, but have yet to explore, to stuff I’m quite familiar with, but only in limited ways, such as the collaborative works of Vinicius de Moraes and Toquinho, who appear on this list with Marilia Medalha, a name that’s entirely new to me.

So, lots to be explored!

And to finish, here’s the list in text form:

1. Sambas - Don Junior, Seu Conjunto
2. Bossa Nova, Nova Bossa - Manfredo Fest e Seu Conjunto
3. Bossa Jazz Trio - Bossa Jazz Trio
4. Sansa Trio - Sansa Trio
5. Os Brazões - Os Brazões
6. Em Som Maior - Sambrasa Trio
7. Sambossa 5
8. Quarteto Bossamba - Walter Wanderley 
9.  Reencontro com Sambalanço Trio - Sambalanço Trio
10. Som 3 - Som 3
11. Conjunto, a Voz do Morro - Os Sambistas
12. Decisão - Zombo Trio + Metais
13. Brazilian Octopus - Brazilian Octopus
14. Com Dizia O Poeta - Vinicius de Moraes, Marilia Medalha, Toquinho
15. E Deixa o Relógio Andar - Osmar Milito
16. Rosinha de Valença - Rosinha de Valença
17. Molhado de Suor - Alceu Valença
18. Vila Sésamo - Marcos Valle?
19. Vamos pro Mundo - Novos Baianos 
20. GersonConrad e Zezé Motta
21. Sítio do Picapau Amarelo
22. Tim Maia - Tim Maia
23. Vontade De Rever Você - Marcos Valle
24. Nave Maria - Tom Zé
25. Línguas de Fogo - Sidney Miller

At the time of posting, I believe I have this album in mp3 format, on a hard drive. But not on CD, or vinyl.

It’s one of Valle’s ‘later’ albums – to my way of seeing things (i.e. post 60s-70s) – that I’m less familiar with, although being released in 1980 it’s now pretty old!

It’s also one of the 25 albums chosen by Charles Gavin, as part of the Som Livre Masters reissue series. A series I want to explore in more depth.

Oh yes! In my longstanding love affair with Brazilian music, finding and acquiring this rates quite highly.

I’ve known and loved the work of Antonio Carlos Jobim for decades now. And I’ve long known, as any ardent admirer of such things ought to, that Vinicius de Moraes was a crucial ‘elder statesman’ figure – both literally and metaphorically – in relation to many prominent folk in Brazilian music, ‘Tom’ Jobim among them.

Anyway, it’s taken until now – kind of (more on this later) – to really discover this old and early gem from their collaborations. Orpheus of the Conception is a play by de Moraes, for which he got Jobim to do the music, this recording being waxed in ‘56.

And so it is that I’m learning that certain Jobim tunes go back further than I’d formerly realised. For example, ‘Lamento No Morro’, which I first encountered as the instrumental ‘Lamento’, and which also features prominently in the beautiful ‘Overture’, here.

So too with ‘Se Todos Fossem Iguais A Você’, or literally, ‘If Everyone Were Like You’, which is generally better known to English speakers as ‘Someone To Light Up My Life’. I thought this was a later composition. Not so!

This recording features Jobim as musical director – literally credited here as ‘maestro’! – of the 35 piece Odeon record label orchestra. And it’s a 50th anniversary release, from 2006, on the same Odeon label. So this 50th celebration is now itself 18 years of age… old enough to drink/vote, etc.

The vocals, which later in his career would prob’ be sung by Jobim, or even de Moraes (who often sang with singer/guitarist Toquinho), are handled here – when it’s not ‘chorus’ style vocals – by one Roberto Paiva. A new name to me.

Pavia died aged 93, in 2014. So, unlike de Moraes (d. 1980, at 66), Jobim (d. ‘94, aged 67), or Bonfa (d. 2001, 78), he was still around when this recording turned 50!

My only quibble with this disc – the reason it’s four stars, not five – is how short it is. The seven tracks total approx 17:30, the whole clocking in at under twenty minutes! This same music has been repackaged, along with lots of other stuff, on releases such as this:

I’m a bit worried I might just’ve bought a CD duplicating just a small portion of another CD (or set of) that I might already own… I need to check the CD shelves.

Anyway, whilst it’s very different in many ways from what Jobim would go on to do in his own right – when he was established enough to do things his own way – it’s great to hear his ideas in a different setting, and the seeds of his style.

Got a few more drummer prints done, at March Stationary & Print. These are intended for the music room, cum office, or drum ‘studio’. Aka the little box room off of our master bedroom.

There’s something of an irony in all of this flurry of getting prints made up. In that I’m on the cusp of jacking the whole music thing in. And selling off everything I possibly can.

I’m still torn and conflicted over it all. But it’s getting harder and harder to justify hanging on to stuff I’m not actually using. And esp’ so when times are – as they are and have been for ages now – very challenging.

I didn’t have sufficient frames for all of this latest batch. So Clyde awaits framing… (‘I swear, I didn’t do it…’)

It’s 5.30 am, and I’ve woken up. At least I got off to sleep last night, and without the help of pills (zopiclone).

My mind is active. And no surprise, really. As, sans car, I’m also without income. And as I’m already heavily in debt, that creates anxiety, bordering on panic.

The main thrust of this post is a realisation, or admission: I’m going to have to give up on my musical dreams. At least for the time being. It’s a matter of survival.

I’m going to have try and sell near enough everything and anything that I own, musically speaking, to raise money, so we don’t lose our home.

And since I’m awake now, I’m going to start by doing something very unusual for me; instead of laying in, and sleeping till late – I’m always exhausted – I’m going to get up, and – I hope? – start selling all (or most) of my music gear.

I’m hoping this will help on multiple fronts and levels: bringing in money, de-cluttering, simplifying my life, and reducing stress. I hope I’m doing the right thing?

This new madness starts with getting up now – it’s just coming up to 6am – and going to the Tesco Metro, for bacon and bread rolls. Being up and dressed, with a freshly made bacon butty inside me, might enable me to make a start on this new course…

Oh, and a dose of one of Joe Wicks’ senior workouts is also called for. But that can wait till after breakfast.

Some time later…

Well, as the bacon butty pics attest to, I did get up, and make breakfast. Teresa and I then played three rounds of rummy. Then I fell asleep. It’d now 9.45 am. And I’ve just spoken to Copart, about the collection/retention, etc, of Ruby.

I’ll get up now. For the second time. And make a start on a few of the planned things I need to get busy doing. First a trip to local charity shops with a load of stuff, to start the de-cluttering. I’ll also pick up a few prints I’ve had done at March Stationary & Print.

Then I’ll start advertising various bit of music gear, and tidying various parts of our home. Whilst I await further news re the car and my insurance payout.

With the time approaching 11 am, after a second trip to the High Street, I’ve now got rid of just shy of 40 CDs. Mostly modern pop stuff, that I’d gotten via Freecycle (with a view to potential use in drum lessons).

I’ve kept just two or three discs from this collection. Teresa took about ten, to take to her workplace. So that’s me shot of about 50 CDs that have really just been cluttering up the place. I gave them to the Cancer Research shop, next door to March Stationary & Print.

I hope they sell, and raise a few bob for a worthy cause…

* I love my cue-cards. It might be tragic of me, but I really don’t care anymore. Whatever works. I’m planning to double the pack size, with a load more helpful affirmations and admonitions, etc. Plus I have a couple of other folk wanting sets. Recently I’ve been picking a card, semi-randomly, as my ‘card for the day’; something to meditate upon. ‘Trust Yourself’ is todays…

Even later…

Well, it’s just gone 8 pm. Today has not been an easy day, psychologically. I think the car crash finally hit me, so to speak, emotionally. I got a bit tearful around dinner time. Teresa cooked a fab pasta dish. Which helped.

And finally, just before sitting down to type this ‘end of the day’ addition, we did our 10 minute workout. It’s amazing how effectively it combats depression. I pretty much always feel a noticeable degree of benefit, in terms of a mood upturn.

Thankyou, Joe Wicks, and thanks to my body for the endorphins. I really need to learn to put this connection to more/better use. Maybe substitute my mooning daydreams for a bit of P.E.?

Went back to the car today. To check we’d got all our personal stuff out, and take some photos for the insurers. Po’ Ruby! Only had her a little shy of a year. I was expecting we’d run her for 5-10 years.

The driver’s airbag deployed full in my face. It was all so quick, it was over in an instant. After which I at stunned for a while.

The front of the car had, as I guess it’s designed to – thank goodness – absorbed the impact. I say thank goodness. It killed the car. The engine wouldn’t start, when I tried it, today. But mayhap it saved me?

The plastic grill with the Ford logo has been punched in, behind the radiator! The lights are shattered, and all over the shop.

Whatever they make the body of, some cheap brittle plastic, by the looks of it, it shatters very easily and readily.

We pass St Peter’s, in March, all the time. But we’ve never stopped to look inside. Until today. It’s not as prettily interesting as St Wendreda’s, which is down the road a piece.

When we went in an old fella was playing an electric organ – not the ‘real‘/old organ (that was located elsewhere – which was fed through big speakers mounted high on the wall. It wasn’t a bad simulacrum of the real thing. Had I not seen that it wasn’t the real deal, I might not have twigged.

It’s funny, three of he churches I’ve visited recently have had folk in them being musical. Which is great, I think. Two organists and a small choir. good that the buildings are being used. And the organ music really helps with the atmos’.

There’s a fair bit of stained glass. But it all looks fairly modern, ie 19th C. or newer. And isn’t particularly striking. Nonetheless, I’ve gone round snapping most of it.

There are several windows dedicated to the passing of folk one guesses were fairly well to do local parishioners. And most of the dates are late 1800s or more frequently early 1900s. Which, at an edumacated guess, puts most of this glasswork in an early twentieth century frame.

Bog standard baby Jesu scenes dominate.

These windows are all well executed, if a little dull.

It’s a big ol’ building. But rather heavy set and lumpen. Poss akin in that respect to much parochial town buildings ov Victorian vintage, which I’m guessing this is?

On the way out I spotted the four small lights pictured above. These little windows seem to be dedicated to Matt, Mark, Luke n’ Ron… we, I mean John. Or the ‘Four Evangelists’, as they’re sometimes known. Whose collected writings are sometimes referred to shorthand as The Gospels!

Anyway, there it is… St Peter’s.

I needed to finish off the smoked haddock, that I bought for the kedgeree I made when Pat was staying over, recently.

So I made another, but smaller, kedgeree. Just for Teresa and I, for lunch. More or less exactly the same as the last one. Only this time with the addition of some fried onions.

The eggs are boiled for 6 mins, which is perfect for a set white and a soft but not a runny yolk. My egg has a strange little spot, in the white!

I’d bought an alcohol free Erdinger Weissbier, the evening that Ruby met her sorry fate. Hadn’t felt like having that once we’d finally got home, on that awful evening.

So we shared it over this lunch. And it went pretty well with the grub. Very nice!

Today had been going pretty well: I’d signed some legal documents that I’d been procrastinating over for a while, and had them witnessed. I also did a delivery shift. And, best of all, I’d cooked a paella, to give Teresa a night or two off cooking chores.

Teresa and I communicated via WhatsApp to arrange that I’d collect her from the train station. But, en-route to pick her up, I was involved in a three car collision, at a pedestrian crossing. It happened so quickly – I stabbed at the brakes, and my foot slipped off the pedal – it was over in seconds.

And I immediately went into shock. The airbags had gone off in my face. That weird smell they are said to have… well, now I know what people are on about. There was also a high pitched noise, following immediately upon impact. I didn’t know if it was inside my head, or coming from the car!?

Reflecting on it all now, and the layout of the road/position of the cars, I’m assuming that the first car stopped at the pedestrian crossing, causing the second car to brake suddenly. By the time I’d spotted this and reacted – especially with my foot slipping off the pedal – it was too late.

I got a call from one of the other drivers’ insurance firms, looking for my version of events. I was in the bath, trying to come down from the shock effects. I told them it wasn’t the best time to talk!

I have to count my lucky stars I wasn’t injured. At least, I hope I’m not hurt? I don’t feel any pain anywhere? Considering the state Ruby wound up in; her front end all crunched up, engine dead, etc, I’m relieved and surprised.

The trouble with this sort of event – how it happens in a split second, and the effects of shock, etc. – is that it all becomes a blur: I know my foot slipped off the brake pedal; did it also land on the accelerator?

Who was at fault? I should’ve been able to stop in time. Had my foot not slipped, would I have? Was the force of the impact caused by my right foot thumping down, accidentally, on the accelerator? Or just due to my basic speed, when I saw the car in front braking?

I was breathalysed at the scene, by a police man. The picture above is the result. I’m glad I’m tee-total these days.

I just hope I can get the car recovered/disposed of quickly and easily, and a new car, ASAP. As my day to day livelihood with Amazon depends on having working wheels.